By Marc Weinblatt
Is it possible to be both an activist and an active parent?
My to do list seems to always have several critical time-sensitive items on it – either pushing or sometimes beyond deadline (including this Blog post.) Often, I find myself about to finally get to it when…. “Waaaah!” My nearly 17 month-old son, Darius, wakes up 45 minutes early from his normal 1 ¼ hour nap. “Nooooo! This is my window…. You’re supposed to sleep for at least a half hour longer!” “Waaaah!,” Though he’s crying, I’m sure he’s laughing at me. “Guess I’ll wait a little longer to finish that project… “
This is a normal scenario for any parent. Don’t get me wrong. I love being a father. I wanted this since childhood and have chosen with great intention to be a father and actively parent my three sons including two now teenage boys, Shae and Orion. What is interesting to me is that a significant number of my colleagues in the field (of activism, Theatre of the Oppressed, etc.) either have no children or have already grown children. Or are not so involved with their children. I don’t know really. Some, after having children, seem to disappear from the field. They take a break, have a supportive “provider” partner, or sometimes they take a more stable job, go back to school, etc. I understand this. Parenting is hard work with a huge and seemingly unending time commitment. Not to mention expensive. No one could have prepared me for the on-the-ground demands of raising a family. I remember asking (Theatre of the Oppressed founder) Augusto Boal, a question as I drove him to a training session in Seattle in 1995. “Looking back at your life, is there anything you would have done differently?” He took a long thoughtful pause then said, “I wish I had spent more time with my children.”
So is it possible to be an activist and actively parent one’s children? For me, it has to be yes. It has to be. As a theatre activist, I am often working with populations who are grappling with their own life struggles – sometimes working hard from the margins of society just to put food on the table and feed their families. Many people I have worked with just want the conditions to attend to their religious/spiritual life and raise a family (or be a part of their family) in a good way – safely, without stress, in good health, and with enough food, water, and shelter. The basics. Spirit and family. That is what so many people on the planet seem to center their lives around. It seems ironic that I would deny myself those nourishing and fundamental aspects of my humanity.
I do not think that everyone should have children. For many obvious reasons. And the world certainly needs good aunties and uncles to support the parents. But I do think that if people really want to have children, they should be able to do so and do so with full heart and presence. Not so easy for an activist – trying to “save the world.” So what do I do?
I limit my time working. I don’t work 60-80 hours a week or most weeks even 40. I don’t take all the work I could. I limit my travel. I say no sometimes. I prioritize time with my family.
I’m willing to live with a relatively small income. I’m frugal. I rarely buy new clothes (something my 15 year old son laughs at). I don’t buy new furniture or take fancy vacations. I’m willing to live a little more simply so I can continue my theatre/activist work, which I love, and be there for my wife and kids. This feels so fundamental to me.
In addition, I see parenting as an important part of my activism, perhaps the most important – a form of spiritual activism as my wife and comrade, Zhaleh, says. If I can raise loving, conscious children, young men at that, maybe that is a worthwhile contribution. My older boys have been exposed to my work from a very young age. They have been to countless Forum Theatre and/or Playback performances on a multitude of social issues and with a variety of populations. (We’ll see if they benefit from this or if they’ll charge me for their therapy later…) They’ve even helped with workshops from time to time. They probably know more about race and gender than most White male adults in the U.S. As any parent knows (or learns), my children are on their own path. Who knows who they will become. But I have felt a responsibility to share my world with them, leaving them to decide what to do with it.
I decided long ago that I was not going to “kill” myself to save the world. I can’t save the world anyway. No one, by themselves, can. Not Gandhi, not Martin Luther King, not Nelson Mandela. I don’t see myself as particularly important in the grand scheme of things. I will continue to do my work as long as I live but just as much as I can without compromising the health and wellbeing of my family life. I see myself as just another drop in the ocean. Hopefully there will continue to be many more drops joining along with way. I’m an optimist. I’m an activist and I’m a father. I struggle keeping a balance with it all but as a teacher of mine and Dagara shaman, Malidoma Somé, once said “If we’re not including the children in our work, what are we doing?”
Marc Weinblatt is the founder and co-director of the Mandala Center for Change.